"Well, we shouldn't have pole vaulted each other last night."
- Danny P.

"The stress of being a chotch hole..."
- EAY

"I'll look into it, but I'm guessing you are wholly unqualified to have anything to do with young children."
- ECP IV

"Pants on fire!! What will YOU be doing?? High kicks??"
- Bails

"Look, that is Auntie Cailin when she was a little boy."
- Jayder, almost 4

"I can't say I didn't beg for drugs at the end but it was too late!"
- KAD

"Just think, you can go home and tell all your friends what you did tonight!"
- Yanner D.

"Haha. He called you a lady...he don't know you."
- RT

"Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?"
"Yup."
- Step Brothers

"The second tip is go to bed early, you dufus, 'cause when you're sleepin' there's no lonely times...it's just dreams."
- Dr. Steve Brule

"are stil thinking to come back? we are stil here to be your friend."
- Lomba

"My advice is I hope you have a nice time, Orack Obama."
- J

"I need a diet. Or a turtleneck."
- DAN

"She doesn't drink anymore. She doesn't drink any less!"
- Mama Thaxton

"You know what I say...if I don't have a bottle in front of me, give me a frontal lobotomy!"
- Papa Thaxton

"Why? Does someone have a rice allergy?"
- Chuck Joe Jurk

"Yeah, but I'm not a two stripe kinda person."
- Nicole A.

"Oh, there you are, Peter!"
- little boy in Hook

"I enjoy your harassment as twisted as that is."
- ERC

"♫ If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your body to get to the top."
- Ace Ventura

"Thanks for stacking me high and tight, Kids. See you next year."
- AT&T Snowman

"What if you really don't like something. Are you still going to eat it...for the environment?"
- Fiona McCormick

"It didn't say you couldn't share with your roommate...just sexual partners."
- CSH

"C'mon now, hide your shame...and by shame I mean your face."
- RT

"It's not that I'm trying to get worse at lying, I'm trying to get better at honesty."
- Bails

"Maybe that's all that we need
Is to meet in the middle of impossibility
We're standing at opposite poles
Equal partners in a mystery"
- I. Girls, "Mystery"

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."
- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

"Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark, we let down the funky bunch."
- Stranz Van Waldenberg, Blades of Glory

"You're as queer as a three dollar bill, Erin."
- EA(N)Y

"I'm just gonna jump into it...and you're gonna hold me like a baby!"
- E-ma

"I was hoping you'd roofie me soon."
- Bails

"I was the only family in my village."
- CSH