"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."
- Albert Einstein

"FU. And by FU I mean FOR U! XO, E."
- E-ma

"Gotta call someone...I'm calling...911...oh wait...I'm a cop."
- Pearl, Good Cop, Baby Cop

"You'll be evic-fit...I'll put you on the streets."
- Pearl, The Landlord

"Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."
- Lady GaGa, Love Game

"I don't know what that means, but I love it!"
- Texas Ranger, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

"Eeh, I'd rather talk to syrup."
- Red, That 70s Show

"What the crap, Duckshirt."
- Strong Bad, Homestar Runner

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
- Ernest Hemingway

"It's been such a long time. It's been such a loooooooong ti-i-ime."
- Boston, Long Time

"This shit is what piccolo players live for."
- EAY

"I don't know, it's bird shit wrapped in a feather."
- EAY

"Hey, Ron! I'm riding a furry tractor."
- Brick Tamland, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

"The battle is on."
- K

"I'm crazier than the box of rocks."
- Tracy Morgan

"...and now, having lived two years of its life in the city of cleveland, dodging bullets and potholes, it will live out the rest of its life auctioned off in cleveland somewhere, sure to be used as a drug trafficking device in the #2 poorest and most obese city in the country."
- JMB

"You have sexually transmitted crazy mouth...deal breaker!"
- Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

"What's so funny?" - Michael
"You had to be there!" - Pam
"Oh, yay--geography joke!" - Michael
- The Office

"Ms. N., I have a bellyache." - C
"How much of a bellyache?" - DAN
"Uh...like 2 inches." - C

"Mr. O'Connor! There's too much cheese on the floor for the sweeper. I think we're going to need a hand job."
- Anonymous

"My pants are complicated."
- MW

"Cause I'm a motherlover, your a motherlover, we should fuck each others' mothers...fuck each others' moooooooooms..."
- JT & Andy Samberg, "Motherlover"

"Pooh thought to himself: 'If the pig sneezes, he's fucking dead.'"
- Winnie-the-Pooh vs. swine flu

"There's something wrong with this yogurt." - Spike
"Ah, that's not yogurt, that's mayonnaise..." - William
"Ah, right-o then." - Spike
- Notting Hill

"It is a daytime disco on the ground floor of an industrial office building."
- Michael Scott, The Office

"And, as I have always maintained, M.B. does speak to the masses."
- DAN

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria...I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
- Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator

"What are you able to do with your spare time? What have you been doing?" - David Letterman
"IIIIIII'm just doin' karate and tryin' to get females pregnant." - Tracy Morgan

"We think Amanda said it best: 'This is me. And a tiger. In a shopping mall.'"
- AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

"Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."
- Dalai Lama

"Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang..."
- Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock