"It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever."
- David St. Hubbins, This Is Spinal Tap

"Many people in foreign countries do not speak English. You may need to speak louder and/or slower in order to make yourself understood."
- Foreign Travel Tips, The Onion

"I'm a lot like that Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. Only it's more like the Booze Monster."
- I'm Like A Chocoholic, But For Booze, The Onion

"i have an Elvis Pelvis"
- Matty

"i think i just fell asleep or something...i just completely blacked out"
- CSH

"I mean I did what I could with carpal tunnel, but I don't think people got that I was using that as a metaphor for vagina."
- The Todd, Scrubs

"A monkey riding a golden retriever is majestic."
- Eric

"If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it"
- Vanilla Ice, Ice Ice Baby

"It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... Fuck beans! That was them, wasn't it?"
- Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"What's my name? 14K, that's my name!"

- 14K, Death Race

"Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly? ... I'm not getting a sig' on my beeper."
- Alan Garner, The Hangover

"Get your dick out of your heart and come to the beach."
- EAY

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

- Mahatma Gandhi

"Did you just ask for another cup of AWESOME?"

- DAN? BCT?

"We should do this in public more often."

- BCT? DAN?

"How about grandma only has one eye?"

- girl at Liam and Danielle's wedding

"Tell me what you want right now."

- Dave from the bar

"Cause they're, you know, zombies."

- BCT

"You wanna walk or screw?"

- BCT

"Listen, when I shit my pants it's a hilarious party."

- Statch

"Your pussy smells like a seven."

- Statch

"I have four balls."

- Statch

"Take a raincheck. Here, as rainmaker I'll issue you one."
- Evan Lawson, Royal Pains

"I love hat crap."
- DAN

"I told her what time it was."
- Fogell, Superbad

"I'm gonna make him cry like a little girl, and then I'm gonna mop the floor with his tears."
- Punch-Out commercial

"They're the beer bitches. They're waiting for the Twisted Tea King."
- AR

"There are two types of people in the world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't."

- Bob, What About Bob?

"It's not sexy! Electricity makes me insane."
- Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker, Cry-Baby

"Salsa's personal now."

- Neil

"Throw some beer in it."

- RT3