"Snorkeling!?!?!"
- DAN

"I know what having sex with you is gonna be like, and it will mean, it will be so amazing that I'll end up killing you."
Robert Pattinson, Access Hollywood Interview

"When does that happen?!? Only in the movies...or that one e-harmony thing looks good too."
- KAH

"Who's Trish McEvoy? Is she on the WB?"
- A

"I hate dead people."
- DAN

"Every ant you meet must be named."
- Andy Riley, Great Lies to Tell Small Kids

"Do the glory hole dance."
- A

"Uh oh. The wine's getting cold."
- DAN

"Excuse me, did you leave your Princeton hot pants at my house?"
- Greg

"It's so cute! It's like prison."
- BCT

"I wanna airplane her!"
- Shauna

"Dicks are like snowflakes...you'll find one."
- RT3

"I was born for this river."
- RT3 or Greg?

"Just the tip...you're just gonna stick it in, turn it around a little bit, then take it out."
- Ronni

"Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they're both extremely fucking real."
- Colin Nissan, "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers."

"I like to whisper, too."
- Buddy, Elf

"LOOKS like Sumo…but it’s really me in my shape-shifted form…"
- V

"Excuse me, can you please get out of my face?"
- B

"I am brave. Rollercoasters: love 'em. Scary movies: I've seen Ghostbusters like seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I'm pretty much not afraid of anything."
Phil, Modern Family

"I will give you a hint: his last name is Christ, he has the power of flight, he can heal leopards..."
- Michael Scott, The Office

"I got woken up via bikini wax alarm."
- EAY

"In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching."
- Dwight, The Office

"Yellow Hexagons, you're doing Cover Your Parts."
- LMW

"She's a very faintish mother."
- B

"Don't cut me out of this life."
- DAN

"Oh Vestival, oh Vestival, slee-eeves are for suckers."
-EAY, Oh, Vestival

"Um, the way I understand it, the Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States stated it is the right of all citizens to bare arms I think was a misinterpretation of rifles or muskets. But I think what our founding fathers really meant was they were really fighting for their right to wear sweater vests."
- Will, Vestival Video

"Well, there's a common misunderstanding actually about this holiday that I'd like to clarify. A lot of people consider this to be a sort of anti-sleeve holiday and that's just not true. Really this is a celebration of sleeves. One where we pay tribute and honor sleeves by giving them the day off."
- Curt, Vestival Video

"I just ran into Ms. Negrini's penis!"
- B

"That night, Reggie showed me his junk."
- Ira, Ira Sleeps Over

"I'm singing. I'm in a store and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing! I'm in a store and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!
- Buddy, Elf