"...I think this is emblematic of a bigger problem guys. I don't think people are proud to be Americans anymore. You know, not like we were in the eighties!"
- Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"That bear is a whore. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
- EAY

"Here, son. Penis cream for your nose."
- KAH

"What I'm telling you is, the turtle plagiarized."
- DAN

"Fucking Pterodactyls"
- T-shirt

"Look at him, his face, too, is like 'I'm a jerk.'"
- LMW

"He dreams hard."
- Aunt Lucy

"that's right, white and sweet...just like I like my women"
- E-ma

"...I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face."
- Sue Sylvester, Glee

"1) thank you for the toffee apple, it was delicious 2) narwhals do exist"
- Prambo

"Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?"
- Puckerman, Glee

"I love Dee. But don't tell her, 'cause then she might want to kiss me."
- J man

"You see these hands? Huh? Huh? You see them? If I put them in my pockets I will be arrested for concealing lethal weapons."
- Ernest, Ernest Goes to Camp

"You go ahead and write that in stone, in your heart. I will love you even if I can’t find your vagina."
- Burt, Away We Go

"Her name is Lenka. You just called her Lepenka, which means cardboard."
- Gaylord Oaks, Bad Company

"But why is the rum gone?"
- Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

"Now it's a color me dad. Dad with two ds...extra dad."
- Bryan Abrams, Color Me Badd

"Focker out."
- Greg, Meet the Fockers

"That kid is back on the escalator again!"
- Brodie, Mallrats

"The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
- Mugatu, Zoolander

"Plunk your magic twanger, Froggy."
- Andy, Andy's Gang

"You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them."
- Sue Sylvester, Glee

"I'm just got wasted reading that"
- BCT

"I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart--I've left it with you."
- Edward Cullen, Eclipse

"Fucking human existence--it's so fucked up. That's why everyone should be vampires."
- DAN

"He's leading with the creepy uncle but I think he's gonna go with the father figure you can trust."
- Tony DiNozzo, NCIS

"What the crap, Duckshirt?"
- Strong Bad, www.homestarrunner.com

"Of course I've written a children's book! Who hasn't?"
- Strong Bad, www.homestarrunner.com

"Kitchen cation tra..."
- Jack John

"You can drop me at the closest tree shop."
- Jack John

"Buttscratcher! Buttscratcher! Get your buttscratcher here! Buttscratcher!"
- Peter Griffin, The Family Guy