"Now I'm really going to laugh at people who get wafer cones."

- Jo

"Sometimes i feel like 50 isn't enough for how close she gets!!"
- BCT

"I wanna tell her how hot she is but she'll think I'm being sexist. She's so hot she's making me sexist. Bitch."

- Bret, Flight of the Conchords, She's So Hot - Boom

"Uh, I-I don't know we made brownies. And I think we're dead. I really do."

- High Cop Calls 911

"Put it in your hickey."

- DAN

"If you didn't feel a lil bad, you would do it all the time...and most DEF get the clap."
- BCT

"Ohhh babies in cages, silly babies."

- CSH

"Socrates - he was like the Vince McMahon of philosophy, he started it all."
- Rubin, Road Trip

"This term for a long-handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral pleasure seeker." - Alex Trebek

"What is a ho?" - Ken

- Jeopardy

"We got no food, we got no jobs...our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!" 

- Lloyd, Dumb and Dumber

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

- George Bernard Shaw

"Tom Hanks, would you just pick a category...and he has his hand stuck in a pickle jar."

- Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek, SNL: Celebrity Jeopardy

"Hey, Donkey, what's goin' on? You're a donkey. I like that. You eat apples right? I produce Entourage."

- Andy Samberg as Mark Wahlberg, SNL: Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals

Do you feel as though being a member of a team makes you more or less likely to drink and why?
"More likely because it's the whole 'varsity athlete' stereotype - we're cool therefore we drink."
- KAH

"To ask the students to stop drinking was about as popular as it would have been to ask the professors to stop reading books--or to stop drinking."
- anonymous professor

"Gangstaaaaaaaaaaasss...what's up, Guys?"
- Fogell, Superbad

"Do you have two voices in your head and just not tune either of them out?"
- Wardo

"That random guy is gonna be so lucky."
- Wardo

"Why are you eyein' my lemon drink?"
- Mrs. Jones, The Happening

"I am a rooster illusion."
- Tugg Speedman, Tropic Thunder

"And now you find yourself in 82
The disco hotspots hold no charm for you
You can't concern yourself with bigger things
You catch the pearl and ride the dragon's wings"
- Asia, Heat of the Moment

"I got a dirty down addiction
It doesn't leave a track
I got a jones for your affection
Like a monkey on my back"
- Bon Jovi, Bad Medicine

"What? Kenny snuck into the studio to record a song for Hollywood? Dear God, I hope it's smooth!"
- Michael Mc Donald, Yacht Rock #3: I'm Alright

"Hall and I will not stand idly by while you California vagina sailors stab the American airwaves in the balls with your shit music."
- John Oates, Yacht Rock #1: What a Fool Believes

"Prepare for the arrival of Lexington and Concord."
- EAY

"Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl."
- Total Eclipse of the Heart, Literal Video Version

"We canvassed the area. No one is talking. There is a smurf war..." - Ziva
"Turf war." - Tony
- NCIS

"My pilot's license? It's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked - problems at the Kazakhstan border. I'd give you the details, but then I'd have to kill you...which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked."
- Shawn Spencer, Psych

"You are wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically manipulated shark."
- Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

"happy birthday to my wife...our life together is so beautiful."
- birthday card from CSH